Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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