is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
