So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
