I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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