Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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