Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
