Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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