I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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