Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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