Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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