Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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