tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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