He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
