I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
