It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
