she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
