It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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