Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
