This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
