Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
