Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
