"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
