Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
