They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
