Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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