I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
