he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
