it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
tell me about the eggs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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