i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
