I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am one with the molecules
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
