I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
