so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
