So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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