theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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