Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
