well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
