I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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