We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
