I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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