do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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