sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
