I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
