do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
