This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
