i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
