Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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