Plan B is the new Plan A
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
