just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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