Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
