I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
