i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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