i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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