Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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